57 Thoughts While Learning to Snowboard

57 Thoughts While Learning to Snowboard

1. Ow.
2. Oof.
3. This is hard.
4. Did I have to stretch so much last time?
5. Has that muscle always been there?
6. WOW I did not know bruises could be that color
7. Nooooonononono not the side of the piste!
8. Holy 💩 I just did a turn noooooope now I’m falling
9. *Sing “Jump (for my Love)” to pump self up*
10. Self-talk about how this is good exercise
11. Self-talk about how I’m earning booze
12. Self-talk about how if I didn’t drink booze maybe the exercise would have an impact
13. CALF CRAMP
14. Did I pee today?
15. Ok starting fresh get up get up get up
16. HOIIIST myself up
17. Did that just get a little easier?
18. I think so!
19. Aaaaand falling over.
20. No! Totally caught myself! Quick! Start moving!
21. Yes! It’s working! It’s aliiiiive!
22. Woahwoahwoahwoah too fast too fast too fast
23. Saved!!
24. Woahwoahwoahwoah too fast too fast too fast
25. Holy 💩 I just did a turn …
26. HOLY 💩 I DIDN’T FALL YET
27. Woahwoahwoahwoah too fast too fast too fast
28. Saaaaaved? Saved!
29. Ohhhhhh now I get what the instructor meant
30. He chose a very strange way to explain that
31. Hmmm how else would you phrase that aaaaaand I’m falling
32. Ok take a rest. Check texts. Surely someone has texted.
33. Ok fine I’ll text someone.
34. Just jump (doo doo do do) for my love
35. Jump in! (doo doo do do) And feel my touch
36. Jump!
37. If you want to taste my kisses in the night theeeen
38. Ok seriously get up
39. You can do this
40. Metal posture checklist
41. Take your time
42. No one cares how slow you are
43. You are a badass
44. Ok we’re up!
45. Focus focus focus TURN!
46. Yessss good ok focus focus focuuuuusss… TURN!
47. Yah!
48. Woooooo–oooobbles are okayyyyy
49. Slow down slow down slow down focus focus focuuuuusss
50. So close to bottom
51. So close to beer
52. Mmmmmmm beeeeeer
53. Aprês-ski beer is so much better than regular beer
54. Get out of my way you tiny tots on skis!
55. Ok flattest bit. Don’t fall don’t fall stay relaxed shoulders forward totally cool I bet I look so cool ohhhhhh unless I look like a total n00b shoulders-hips-shins-turn shoulders-hips-shins-turn balannnnnnnceeeeeee
56. DONE 💪
57. Maybe just one more run…

3 Comments
  • Linda Avery
    Posted at 22:36h, 20 January Reply

    Ellen,
    I looooove your posts! You let us into your brain in such a delightful fashion. This one reminds me of when I learned to ski. (Day 2 ended up on a black run and lived to tell the tale). Keep having a great time!

    • Ellen Schwartze
      Posted at 10:50h, 24 January Reply

      Thanks Aunt Linda!! You’ll have to expand on that ski story when we see each other next 🙂

  • Lauren
    Posted at 09:41h, 10 February Reply

    #54 for sure! #24 and #49 are still regulars in my brain 😉

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