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Let’s have a chat about light.

I love light. I won a frickin’ theater (theatre) award for it in high school. I’m sure you love light, too.

But friends, I have learned something:

America takes lightbulb simplicity for frickin’ granted.

The Brits apparently didn’t have enough to worry about somewhere around the time light bulbs began to be manufactured in bulk because they have three frickin’ silver-bottom-options.

Base contact. Whatever. There’s a normal-size screw, teeny-tiny screw and something that doesn’t screw at all. (Screwed either way if it’s me who’s buying.)

Oh, and there are a million different wattages to choose from.

Yes I said A MILLION and I FRICKIN’ MEANT IT. No one notices a difference between the 5- and the 7-watt “energy saving” (not “energy efficient”) lightbulbs, Britain. I SAID NO ONE. But did that stop you from manufacturing bulbs in two-watt increments? NOOoooooo.

Plus they are frickin’ expensive. I spent £10 — that’s FIFTEEN AMERICAN DOLLARS — on TWO lightbulbs. You want to see what one looks like in my lamp? Here: